Vegan Potato Leek Soup


Soup is so titties. Its like negative a million here in Hoboken and I am just waiting for the Hudson River to freeze over like my heart. The only thing that can save my wretched life in these conditions is hot, creamy liquids in my throat. This soup is a little chunky, very hearty and fucking delicious. I serve it at dinner parties and my guests can’t believe i haven’t had botox. Or that the soup is vegan, whatever. 


  • 2 white potatoes, microwaved until soft.
  • 1 large container of vegetable broth
  • 2 leeks, dark green part discarded, chopped. Rinse them well- they’re sandy like your butthole
  • 5 cloves of garlic
  • One small onion
  • Palm full of fresh parsley
  • 1 can of cannelini beans
  • Blender
  • Heated pan with olive oil
  • 1/2 teaspoon each salt and pepper


You’re going to want to sautee the garlic, onion, leeks and parsley until the onions are clear and the leek is wilted. It should take about as much time as it takes for your boyfriend to start tuning you out when you talk, so around ten minutes.

Add all those frying pan ingredients to a blender with the cannelini beans and blend that up smooth.

Now get your hot potatoes, skin on like a foreigner, and whip them while adding the veggie broth until smooth. You can leave some chunks.

Add the potatoes, the rest of the vegetable broth and the blended ingredients to a soup pot and bring it to a bubble stirring often.

Cook it on low for about 30 minutes and serve it with a crusty ass bitch. I mean bread. Serve with a crusty bread.





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