Cooking For Meat-eaters


I am a fucking vegan. I have to say this about 20 times a day and god forbid we go to someones house, it turns into a huge deal where I get drunk and cry in a guest bathroom. This likely has nothing to do with being vegan and everything to do with drinking on an empty stomach.

Anyway what does this mean? It means I eat vegetables. Will I shun you for eating meat? I have done far more questionable things. So no. Will I die if I only eat a salad with vodka because you didnt know I was vegan? No. But you’re a prick. Obviously.

But here’s the thing. I cook for a meat eating slab of man flesh every day and he sure as fuck doesn’t eat tofu unless its deep fried.

So how do I do it?

I make a meat dish separately and I add it to foods that are ambiguous, like pasta. It is stupid simple to accomplish. Below is an example of a dinner in which I prepared my vegan food and a side of meat.

Whole Wheat Pasta with Primavera Sauce


  • 5 cloves of garlic -chopped
  • 2 stalks of celery- chopped
  • 2 carrots- peeled and chopped
  • 1 small yellow onion chopped
  • 1 1/2 cups mushrooms
  • 1 1/2 cups green beans cut into small pieces
  • 1 tsp chopped fresh basil
  • 1 palm full of fresh parsley
  • Salt and Pepper to taste
  • Optional Dash of Hot Pepper
  • 1 small can of tomato paste
  • 1 large can of pureed tomatoes
  • 1 small can of tomato sauce
  • 1 pound of whole wheat rotini
  • 1 pound of chicken cut up and coated in salt pepper and flour. Use about 1 teaspoon of salt and pepper each for every cup of flour you use.


Heat a pan with olive oil on medium high. Toss the chicken in the flour and salt/pepper. Now toss it into the hot oil and sear brown on all sides. Took me about 6-7 minutes on each side.

File_000 (1)

Now heat a sauce pot with olive oil in the bottom on medium heat. Add you garlic and brown that ish.

Add your onions and cook till clear.

Add all your veggies and cook them with the cover on for about 10 minutes.

Now raise the heat a little on your sauce pan and add all the tomato ingredients, salt and pepper, basil and parsley.

Bring this to a bubble and lower. Cook for 35 minutes.

File_000 (2)

Cook the pasta according to the directions on the box. A trick with macaroni is to add a little salt to the water and a tablespoon of olive oil. Mind blown right? Serve the sauce over the pasta. For your meat eating friends, add the chicken on top and never ask them back. Unless they brought wine- then they can come back. Otherwise, fuckouttahere

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