Asian Italian Seared Tofu


Soy sauce can basically make anything taste good. Except your balloon knot. That will never taste good no matter how much soy or strawberry flavored anything you add to it.

So naturally soy sauce makes a delicious marinade. This marinade is two parts asian pornography and two parts italian violence. Its is 100% tasty.

I let my tofu marinate for a few hours alone and think about how it brought home some fucking bimbo from a bar thinking that I woudn’t find out . Well slutty cinderella left her stripper pump under the bed. And then I fry it and I eat the evidence. I don’t remember what we were talking about…………..



  • 1/4 cup olive oil
  • 1/4 cup soy sauce
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 1/2 tsp pepper
  • 1 handful each fresh parsley and basil
  • 3 garlic cloves
  • 1 block of extra firm tofu



Add the oil and soy sauce to a plastic baggy like a ziplock. If you have any old grocery bags lying around try putting that over your head.

Add the garlic (ends removed) parsley and basil to a food processor and chop it up well.


Cube your tofu


Now add all ingredients to the zip lock. Marinate anywhere from 30 minutes to all day. WTF do I care, you already know longer is better. Unless its bad sex. Then longer is acting like your head hurts so you can go home and watch re runs of Saved by the Bell. Zack would never do that to you. It would be special.


Once you’ve marinated your tofu heat a pan with some olive oil up to medium high. We want to sear the tofu on all sides. The garlic may get crispy but I actually enjoy that flavor with the soy.


Before Crystal Meth


After Crystal Meth

I served mine over Garlic Rice Pilaf. Ill put that recipe up tomorrow.

Until then, Nighty Night Keep Ya Butthole Tight



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