Vegetable Stew


Its colder than Hillary Clinton’s bedroom out there and I needed to warm up for my private strip tease class. Can you believe that some dance teachers actually pay you and not the other way around?

Getting back to the stew, I formed this recipe with some vegetables that you should have on hand in your house. Some really good staples for a vegan diet would be potatoes, onions, peas, carrots, garlic and beans. And wine. Tons and tons of wine. Enough wine to make you drunk dial your ex to remind him that he never gave you an orgasm. Always.

So here’s the ingredients for this stew…


  • 3 cloves of garlic ends removed and cut in half. Speaking of ends when was the last time you trimmed your rat tail you call hair? Handle that.
  • 1 large yellow onion chopped
  • 3 stalks of celery chopped
  • 4 small carrots chopped thick
  • 1 turnip cubed
  • 2 large potatoes, raw and chopped . Keep the skin on- like all the boys you called “friends” in your semester abroad.
  • 2 tablespoons olive oil
  • 1/4 cup flour
  • 2 cups water
  • 1/4 cup red wine- feel free to add as much wine as you want to your mouth. Its a part of cooking. Call your parents, tell them you love them, cry in the bathtub.
  • 1 cup of tomato sauce or home made marinara. If you use that jar stuff I applaud your bravery
  • Salt and pepper to taste- Potatoes suck up salt like Monica…….never mind. Just keep tasting and adding as needed.
  • 1 large handful parsley leaves
  • 3 leaves basil
  • 1 tsp cayenne pepper
  • 1 1/2 tsp onion powder
  • 1 can of Cannelini beans
  • 1 bag of frozen peas to be added at the end


Heat your garlic in a dutch oven with oil. lol. Dutch Oven gets me every time. Dont act like you’re too good to laugh.

IMG_2620 (2)

Cut your onions into medium pieces and add them. Cook on medium for ten minutes


Add into the pot your water, flour, wine, seasonings and herbs and bring to a boil stirring constantly. Reduce heat to medium when all the flour has dissolved.

IMG_2628 (1)

Looking smooth as fuck

Now its time to add all your vegetables. Dont fuck this up.


Followed by your marinara or tomato sauce.


Cook this covered with the lid on low medium heat for 45 minutes stirring every so often.


For the last 15 minutes of cooking add the beans and frozen peas


Cook covered stirring every so often.

When its finished the potatoes and turnips will be soft. Like every man you’ve ever “had”



Cooking time 1 hour on medium low

Serve over brown rice or a noodle

Vegetarians may enjoy this over egg noodles but you can all fuck off and eat it over what you want ❤








Notice the wine is front and center?


Paper towel napkins are fucking classy


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