Open Faced Kale and Broccoli Sandwich

Lunch. Depending on how much you drank the night before lunch can be an enjoyable meal without the taste of vomit or it can be a sustenance based binge of french fries from mcdonalds. Don’t act like you haven’t had lunch next to a homeless man while he pisses himself.

If you are lucky enough to not smell like Paris Hilton’s old closet this afternoon then you may be a candidate for yawnfucks anonymous. How dare you sit there and judge me? I am living my dream one bathroom stall at a time.

This lunch will be the best decision I have made for myself in almost 15 hours.



Heat up a pan with olive oil. Mince your garlic and add it to the heated oil.

Cut the big stems off your broccoli and then pull the heads apart and add it to the pan. Season it with salt, pepper, red pepper and cook on medium for 7-8 minutes. Add your kale and cook it until it wilts.

In a toaster oven toast your bread lightly.

Smear the vegan cream cheese onto your bread while its still warm.

Top it with your kale and broccoli. Eat like a fat kid at his own birthday party.

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