Noodle Salad

Vegan

I can’t think of any place in New York City but Chinatown where you can get a happy ending and a stir fry on the same corner. I cant comment on the first, but the stir fry is so titties. So in homage to the smelliest shit hole in the Big Apple I wanted to get wasted before 5 pm and have a fabulous lunch alone while i cheers to Chinatown and cry into my glass of sauvignon blanc. Chin Chin fuckers lets cook.

You’re gonna need a bottle of good white wine for this.  Try to get drunk enough to forget that your parents still think you’re a lesbian because you haven’t had a boyfriend in a few years.

Ingredients

 

Directions

Heat up two pans. One with 1/4 inch vegetable oil and the other with 2-3 tablespoons of extra virgin olive oil. The left pan is a cast iron skillet and the right is a dutch oven.

 

While that’s heating, take your tofu and squeeze out the extra water by placing it in a large dish with a smaller dish over it. Now pick your favorite bottle of booze, a full one not what you drank last night you hooker, and place it as a weight on top. 15 minutes and all that excess water weight will come off. Sorry we cant say the same for you.

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Now cube up that tofu well and add it to the bowl of cornstarch. Toss lightly.

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Now add your starched tofu to the hot vegetable oil. Cook for 15 minutes, stirring halfway through on medium heat until all the tofu is browned.

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Dice up your carrot and onion. Add it to your other pot witholive oil and cook for ten minutes.

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Now add your tomato and cook for 5 minutes stirring often.

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Add some salt and pepper here. Then add your kale and basil.

Finally throw your chopped cashews and a few dashes of soy sauce (2-3) in here and saute for another 3 minutes. Add your noodles and heat the whole thing on low for 5 more minutes. Serve the tofu on top and get wasted. You’ve earned it.

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Did you like that? Comment. Did you hate it? Good. Fuck off and comment.

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