Snacking can be vegan and not put ten pounds on your fat ass. How? Stick to simple snacks that are vegetable based and filling. I like my snacks quick and easy, like a massage parlor. I want to work as little as possible.
Being vegan forces you to get creative the way reality television forces you to re evaluate your life. When I realized I had only one more day to use my avocado before it turned browner than the original Michael Jackson, I had to think of a way to use it. And so I decided to make Avocado Toast. This recipe is open to interpretation, kinda like Caitlyn Jenner’s sexuality. Avocado is a great base for many flavors and it plays well with others. So swap lime for lemon or vaping for cigarettes if you’re pretentious enough. See if I care. This recipe serves 4, or just you if you’re ovulating.
This soup is chunkier than you were before your parents sent you away to the “special” camp. It can not help you clear up any of your on going STD infections but it sure as fuck fights disease and cancer. The vegetables in this soup are like a rocket ship to immunity, unlike your English lit major,which contrary to what your admissions counselor told you, was a rocket ship to your hostess job at the local TGI Fridays. So lets heat up a pan of tears and olive oil and get to souping.
Biscuits. The word can mean so many things. A turd. A cookie, if you’re a toothy brit. A gun if you are a rapper. But the biscuits i’m talking about are the ones that are crispy and flaky, like your hair. Condition much? I searched and searched for a good biscuit recipe but all i found was the 2 girls 1 cup video. And then finally, I found a vegan biscuit recipe. A flaky, crispy, doughy biscuit recipe that will make your mouth water more than a sunday morning hangover. Except this time you wont be clinging to your filthy toilet bowl afterwards.
Heat up your panties to 450 and lets bake some biscuits.