Avocado Toast

Being vegan forces you to get creative the way reality television forces you to re evaluate your life. When I realized I had only one more day to use my avocado before it turned browner than the original Michael Jackson,  I had to think of a way to use it. And so I decided to make Avocado Toast. This recipe is open to interpretation, kinda like Caitlyn Jenner’s sexuality. Avocado is a great base for many flavors and it plays well with others. So swap lime for lemon or vaping for cigarettes if you’re pretentious enough. See if I care. This recipe serves  4, or just you if you’re ovulating.


  • 4 slices of any whole grain vegan bread toasted
  • 1 avocado
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 1/2 teaspoon pepper
  • 1/2 teaspoon onion powder
  • 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
  • 1 squeeze of a half a lemon
  • 2 tablespoons chopped parsley
  • 1/2 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil


When looking for bread always make sure it doesn’t have honey or eggs. Anything shiny has been egg washed so avoid loaves like that.

Toast your bread and put it off to the side.

Run a knife around the avocado cutting a full circle. Twist one half off of the other and remove the pit. Now get a big spoon and scoop the fruit into a bowl. Add all of your ingredients to the bowl and use a masher to turn the consistency into a part creamy part chunky mash.

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Scoop this mash onto your toasted bread and if you like drizzle a tad more oil across the top. You will want to eat all 4 pieces.


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