Avocado Toast

Being vegan forces you to get creative the way reality television forces you to re evaluate your life. When I realized I had only one more day to use my avocado before it turned browner than the original Michael Jackson,  I had to think of a way to use it. And so I decided to make Avocado Toast. This recipe is open to interpretation, kinda like Caitlyn Jenner’s sexuality. Avocado is a great base for many flavors and it plays well with others. So swap lime for lemon or vaping for cigarettes if you’re pretentious enough. See if I care. This recipe serves  4, or just you if you’re ovulating.

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Hashbrowns

Vegan

OMFG crispy hashbrowns.

Are you hungover? This will cure it.

Are you hungry? This will cure that.

Do you have a venereal disease? This will not cure that. But even the clap is better with hashbrowns.

How do you make these heavenly taters?

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Baked Cinnamon and PB Apples

Vegan

Apples are the downfall of man. Eve slipped one to Adam right before the party police came and made them put clothes on. The evil queen slipped one to Snow White. It seems like apples are the original Ruffie.

So when I eat one I want to make it a special moment. I want to savor it. And I want to eat the whole thing. No one shares apples. They are an individual fruit. Selfish. I like selfish.

Preheat your oven to 375.

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