Easy Texan Veggie Soup

This soup is chunkier than you were before your parents sent you away to the “special” camp. It can not help you clear up any of your on going STD infections but it sure as fuck fights disease and cancer. The vegetables in this soup are like a rocket ship to immunity, unlike your English lit major,which contrary to what your admissions counselor told you, was a rocket ship to your hostess job at the ┬álocal TGI Fridays. So lets heat up a pan of tears and olive oil and get to souping.

Read More

Noodle Salad

Vegan

I can’t think of any place in New York City but Chinatown where you can get a happy ending and a stir fry on the same corner. I cant comment on the first, but the stir fry is so titties. So in homage to the smelliest shit hole in the Big Apple I wanted to get wasted before 5 pm and have a fabulous lunch alone while i cheers to Chinatown and cry into my glass of sauvignon blanc. Chin Chin fuckers lets cook.

You’re gonna need a bottle of good white wine for this. ┬áTry to get drunk enough to forget that your parents still think you’re a lesbian because you haven’t had a boyfriend in a few years.

Read More