Edamame

Snacking can be vegan and not put ten pounds on your fat ass. How? Stick to simple snacks that are vegetable based and filling. I like my snacks quick and easy, like a massage parlor. I want to work as little as possible.

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Vegan Chocolate Pudding

Few things in life are as rewarding as chocolate pudding. The only thing I can think of that’s more rewarding is throwing pennies out your moon roof onto people who ride your ass. ┬áPersonally I would rather that than a hormonal childless shrew from staten island with the mouth of a trucker. Consider yourself lucky.

This pudding is good. There should be a porn with this pudding in it somewhere, that’s how good it is. This could be the start of a new business.

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Open Faced Kale and Broccoli Sandwich

Lunch. Depending on how much you drank the night before lunch can be an enjoyable meal without the taste of vomit or it can be a sustenance based binge of french fries from mcdonalds. Don’t act like you haven’t had lunch next to a homeless man while he pisses himself.

If you are lucky enough to not smell like Paris Hilton’s old closet this afternoon then you may be a candidate for yawnfucks anonymous. How dare you sit there and judge me? I am living my dream one bathroom stall at a time.

This lunch will be the best decision I have made for myself in almost 15 hours.

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Easy Chickpea and Parsley Salad

Vegan

Chickpeas are the red headed step child of the bean family. People never know what to do with them or how to act towards them. Sometimes you may even be scared that they watch you while you sleep.

If you love flicking the bean then you’ll love this chickpea salad. These beans go a long way when flicked, which is more than we can say for you.

So toss your chicks and parsley together and eat them while reminiscing on your long long long long gone childhood, you old fuck

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