Easy Texan Veggie Soup

This soup is chunkier than you were before your parents sent you away to the “special” camp. It can not help you clear up any of your on going STD infections but it sure as fuck fights disease and cancer. The vegetables in this soup are like a rocket ship to immunity, unlike your English lit major,which contrary to what your admissions counselor told you, was a rocket ship to your hostess job at the ┬álocal TGI Fridays. So lets heat up a pan of tears and olive oil and get to souping.

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Easy Chickpea and Parsley Salad

Vegan

Chickpeas are the red headed step child of the bean family. People never know what to do with them or how to act towards them. Sometimes you may even be scared that they watch you while you sleep.

If you love flicking the bean then you’ll love this chickpea salad. These beans go a long way when flicked, which is more than we can say for you.

So toss your chicks and parsley together and eat them while reminiscing on your long long long long gone childhood, you old fuck

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Homemade Croutons

Vegan

Few things in life are as addictive as crack cocaine. Or if you’re a prominent actor, lets say having sex with questionable prostitutes in cars and rest stops. But I have found something far better than grinding your teeth down and hooking for fixes. That’s correct. Sit down, I am about to blow your mind the way you blew your drug dealer. Homemade croutons are not to be fucked with. Try them once and you will be giving out hj’s for cash. Trust me on this. Add them to soup or salad. Go to rehab. Come back as Flava Flav. Yeaaaaaaa Boiiiiiiiiiiiii

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