Edamame

Snacking can be vegan and not put ten pounds on your fat ass. How? Stick to simple snacks that are vegetable based and filling. I like my snacks quick and easy, like a massage parlor. I want to work as little as possible.

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Noodle Salad

Vegan

I can’t think of any place in New York City but Chinatown where you can get a happy ending and a stir fry on the same corner. I cant comment on the first, but the stir fry is so titties. So in homage to the smelliest shit hole in the Big Apple I wanted to get wasted before 5 pm and have a fabulous lunch alone while i cheers to Chinatown and cry into my glass of sauvignon blanc. Chin Chin fuckers lets cook.

You’re gonna need a bottle of good white wine for this. ┬áTry to get drunk enough to forget that your parents still think you’re a lesbian because you haven’t had a boyfriend in a few years.

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Asian Italian Seared Tofu

Vegan

Soy sauce can basically make anything taste good. Except your balloon knot. That will never taste good no matter how much soy or strawberry flavored anything you add to it.

So naturally soy sauce makes a delicious marinade. This marinade is two parts asian pornography and two parts italian violence. Its is 100% tasty.

I let my tofu marinate for a few hours alone and think about how it brought home some fucking bimbo from a bar thinking that I woudn’t find out . Well slutty cinderella left her stripper pump under the bed. And then I fry it and I eat the evidence. I don’t remember what we were talking about…………..

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